Indicators Most Prone to Make a PowerPoint About Their Trauma

Some indicators go to remedy. Some indicators write songs. After which there are the indicators that open Google Slides, select the “Minimalist Blue” template, and switch heartbreak right into a 12-slide TED Speak—full with graphs, citations, and a dramatic closing assertion that belongs in an Oscars speech.

Most cancers

: Principally invented the Trauma PowerPoint. This signal provides animations. “Childhood wounds” fly in with a boing sound. There’s a graph displaying “How A lot It Damage (A Lot)” and a pie chart labeled “Belief Points.” Viewers is anticipated to clap or cry. Each are acceptable.

Virgo

: Presents trauma like a quarterly efficiency evaluation. Bullet factors. Sub-bullet factors. Listed footnotes. Virgo even sends the PDF to everybody after, “for his or her information.” Bonus factors for a passive-aggressive Q&A slide titled: “What I May’ve Mentioned however Selected Peace.”

Scorpio

: Begins the slideshow with a black display screen and heavy respiration. By slide three, it’s a full-on HBO restricted collection. Secrets and techniques. Betrayals. A red-string homicide board. Ends with, “I’m fantastic although,” which is an authorized lie.

Pisces

: Their deck is usually collage. Pictures, quotes, blurry screenshots of unhappy lyrics, and that one Lana Del Rey poem nobody actually understood. Background music performs from their cellphone—on loop. Emotional hostage state of affairs: activated.

Libra

: Makes a trauma deck however color-coordinates it and provides compliments about everybody within the room to melt the blow. Finally ends up apologizing for crying in slide six, despite the fact that they have been proper the entire time.

Sagittarius

: Doesn’t

make

the PowerPoint. Sagittarius

conjures up

5 of them by setting fireplace to each relationship between 2012–current. Then proceeds to roast everybody’s childhood trauma “for character growth” whereas sipping a drink and refusing to apologize. Sag calls it “powerful love,” but it surely’s giving villain origin story.

Gemini

: Begins the deck with trauma, ends with memes. The transition slide says, “Anywayyyy,” adopted by a Buzzfeed quiz end result and an apology in Comedian Sans. Claims it’s “all a joke,” however everybody nonetheless leaves emotionally disoriented.